he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
