yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
