Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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