Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
