I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
