I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
