I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You can't special order awesome
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
