my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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