Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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