my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
