you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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