She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize