I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
