there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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