Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
