I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
