Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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