I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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