I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
