Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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