Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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