I'm drive I can fine osifer
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
