Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
