Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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