I puked a lego.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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