The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
