Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Found the puke drawer
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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