Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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