i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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