ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We just shotgunned beers for America
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
