Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
