You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize