So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
