I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
