I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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