So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
