normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
