I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
