if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
