some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
