Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
