the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
