sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
