my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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