I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
