Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
