Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
