I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
