mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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