what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize