P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
