I hate your face
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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