heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
