Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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