Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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