Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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