I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
