She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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