My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
