Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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