he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
