Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
