Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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