Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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