i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize