you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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