You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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